What is sexual aftercare?
In collaboration with Sensuali
We talk about foreplay and sex, but rarely do we stop to talk about what happens afterwards.
For many people, this is the point where they assume sex is “over” when in reality, there’s a whole other layer of intimacy unfolding. It’s a moment that often gets overlooked or rushed past, yet it holds far more influence than most of us realise. We miss just how much this post-sex space shapes how we feel about sex going forward, how connected we remain, and how eager we are to return to it.
Sexual aftercare, for some, can be the most important and transformative part of the entire experience. How we tune in, talk, connect, and reflect after sex has the power to shape not only how good the moment felt, but how safe, seen, and satisfied we feel moving forward. When we treat aftercare as part of sex rather than an optional extra, it becomes a space to validate each other, celebrate what felt good, tend to anything that didn’t, and build the kind of trust that makes every future encounter more exciting than the last.
What is sexual aftercare?
Aftercare is checking in with each other and caring for your mind, body and soul once the moment of peak pleasure ends. When we eventually come out of that momentary trance and back into the room, it’s time to provide yourself or others with the aftercare needed.
Sexual aftercare isn’t something reserved for kink. In fact, it’s where we take a moment to notice what we’re feeling, what we felt and how we want to connect in the moments after sex. Whether the sex was slow and sensual or wild and messy, aftercare is the part that brings everything home. It’s a reminder that intimacy doesn’t end when the physical moment does.
What Does Aftercare Involve?
Sex is a very intimate activity that brings up many emotions, some good and some bad, depending on the person and their experiences with sex in the past. So start simply with some communication and ask how each of you feels post-play, in case feelings of shame, worry, or sadness have surfaced. This is called postcoital dysphoria (PCD), also known as “post-sex blues.” Communication will help build closeness, understanding and a better bond between the two of you.
Secondly, discussing what worked and what didn’t work is a key element of aftercare for two reasons. Firstly, it gives you both an opportunity to express positive reinforcement and may even lead to more intimate time or laughter. And discussing what didn’t work for you provides you with a chance that might not have been possible in the moment. Your partner is not a mind reader, so if something doesn’t feel good, make sure you express that and make gentle suggestions for the next time. This only leads to better sex for both of you!
Physical Aftercare
This will look different for everyone. Some may need more physical attention, such as hugging or kissing, while others may need a moment or a few hours to recalibrate without touch. It is, however, essential to manage both partners’ needs and discuss what compromise looks like. Remember, if someone needs space, like lying alone without being touched, it doesn’t mean they want to run for the door. It’s just important to share that with your partner, so they are in the loop rather than feeling isolated.
Lastly, it’s essential to look after your body after sex, which may involve peeing, hydrating, showering, cleaning toys, and eating something that makes you feel good. Mine is always shower, the snacks, and having some time alone while the other person is close by.
Aftercare is essential for many reasons, and putting it into practice will only benefit you, your partner and the future of your sex together. Trust me, it doesn’t have to be this awkward thing and will absolutely NOT ruin the moment. Just start putting it into practice; it will come as naturally as the sex itself.
